Paired to Perfection
Episode 1: Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun
Creature Comforts Brewing Co. Stairway to Nowhere
Roasty | Dark | Dry Baltic Porter | 7% ABV
“Embodying a beautifully rich quality from roasted malts and a clean drinking experience from the lagering process, Stairway to Nowhere is a nod to perhaps the most curious feature in our tasting room, a stairway the leads down to... nowhere.”
Squad Rating: 8/10
Holly McCray Blair
September 1, 1948 — August 17, 2020
Holly Blair exploded into glitter and bats on August 17, 2020. She is survived by four spoiled cats, two stinky dogs, three bad birds, a turtle, and an utterly useless frog named Fred, as well as three children and a husband of little to no importance. Her remains will be interred under a tree with the ridiculous multitude of animals she rescued both wild and domestic. ... read more
Her future plans include drinking beer with Terry Pratchett and flying across the moon on her broomstick on Halloween. She has also promised to communicate with us from the beyond via the cockatiel psyche. We ask that everyone carve extra jack o’lanterns on Halloween this year in her honor. All hail the wicked witch of Juniper road!
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Episode 2: Come Play with Me
Ghost Coast Ginger Whiskey Smash
Bright | Fresh | Strong
We’ve resurrected the dead with this cocktail by highlighting one of the last surviving bottles of Ghost Coast’s Broughton & Whitaker Ginger Whiskey. Alright, we can’t confirm if it’s one of the last bottles, but it sounds pretty legit. Muddled with fresh ginger and mint and then shaken with fresh-squeezed lemon juice (we won’t judge if you use the store bought stuff), this cocktail is sure to warm your insides.
Squad Rating: 8.5/10
Mary Patricia Stocks
May 12, 1921 — July 1, 2015
Pat Stocks, 94, passed away peacefully at her home in bed July 1, 2015. It is believed it was caused from carrying her oxygen tank up the long flight of stairs to her bedroom that made her heart give out. She left behind a hell of a lot of stuff to her daughter and sons who have no idea what to do with it. So if you're looking for 2 extremely large TVs from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think) umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used), or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler, you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine. ... read more
This is not an ad for a pawn shop, but an obituary for a great Woman, Mother, Grandmother, and Great-Grandmother born on May 12, 1921, in Toronto. She leaves behind a very dysfunctional family that she was very proud of. Pat was world-renowned for her lack of patience, not holding back her opinion, and a knack for telling it like it is. She always told you the truth, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. It was the school of hard knocks, and yes, we were told many times how she had to walk for miles in a blizzard to get to school, so suck it up.
With that said, she was genuine to a fault, a pussycat at heart (or lion), and yet she sugar-coated nothing. Her extensive vocabulary was more than highly proficient at knowing more curse words than most people learned in a lifetime. She liked four-letter words as much as she loved her rock garden—and trust us, she **loved** to weed that garden with us as her helpers when child labor was legal (or so we were told).
She was a master cook in the kitchen. She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick because all germs would be nuked. Freezing germs also worked, so by Friday, our school sandwiches were hard and chewy, but totally germ-free. All four of us learned to use a napkin. You would pretend to cough, spit the food into it, and thus was born the Stocks Diet. If anyone would like a copy of her homemade gravy, we would suggest you don’t.
She will be sorely missed and survived by her brother George Morris, her children: Shauna (Stocks) Perreault, Paul/Sandy (Debbie) Stocks, and Kirk Stocks, son-in-law Ian Milnes, and son from another mother, John McCleery. Grandchildren: Lesley (Sean), Lindsay (Lucas), Ashley (James), David (Tia), Brett, Erin (Brian), Sean, Alex, Courtney, and Taylor, and great-grandchildren: Connor, Emily, Ainsley, Tyler, and Jack.
She was preceded in death by her loving husband Paul (Moo) Stocks and eldest daughter Shelley (Stocks) Milnes, along with her beloved pets Tag, Tag, Tag, and Tag. All who loved her dearly will never forget her tenacity, wit, charm, grace (when pertinent), and undying love and care for them.
Please give generously to Covenant House Toronto "in memory."
A private family ‘Celebration of Life’ will be held, in lieu of a service, due to her friends not being able to attend—because they decided to beat her to the Pearly Gates. Please note her change of address to her new place of residence, St John's York Mills Anglican Church, 19 Don Ridge Drive, 12 doors away from Shelley’s place.
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Episode 3: Are You Not Amused?
Service Brewing Co. Hard Candy
Tart | Effervescent Fruit Sour | 6.2% ABV
“Bringing granny’s candy jar to your glass with this hard candy inspired fruit sour. Brewed with copious amounts of raspberry, tangerine, sweet cherry, black currant, and strawberry purees. A delicious and refreshing tart ale.” Brewed with a Philly sour, it automatically sours on its own as it ferments. This is Service’s newest sour and is in short supply due to popularity!
Squad Rating: 8.5/10
Robert Adolph Boehm
May 6, 1950 — October 6, 2024
Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over "some stupid mother****ing thing" and hitting his head on the floor. ... read more
Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over "some stupid mother****ing thing" and hitting his head on the floor.
Robert was born in Winters, TX, to the late Walter Boehm and Betty Smith on May 6, 1950, after which God immediately and thankfully broke the mold and attempted to cover up the evidence. Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) fast enough to just barely miss getting drafted into the Vietnam War by fathering Michelle, John, and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972. Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983.
This lack of military service was probably for the best, as when taking up shooting as a hobby in his later years, he managed to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions, which unfortunately did not even startle, let alone surprise, his dear wife Dianne, who was much accustomed to such happenings in his presence and may have actually been safer in the jungles of Vietnam the entire time.
While the world was in conflict elsewhere, Robert made due by learning to roof, maintain traffic signs with the City of Amarillo, and eventually becoming a semi-professional truck driver—not to be confused with a professional semi-truck driver.
With peace on the horizon, Robert's attention somewhat counterintuitively drifted to weapons of war, spanning the historical and geographical spectrum from the atlatl of 19,000 BC France, to the sjambok of 1830s Africa, to the Mosin-Nagant M1891 of WWII-era Soviet Union. So many examples of these mainstream hobbyist items litter his small Clarendon, Texas, apartment that one of them may very well have been the item referenced in his aforementioned eloquent final epitaph.
A man of many interests, Robert was not to be entranced by historical weapons alone, but also had a penchant for fashion, frequently seen about town wearing the latest trend in homemade leather moccasins, a wide collection of unconventional hats, and boldly mismatched shirts and pants.
Robert also kept a wide selection of harmonicas on hand—not to play personally, but to prompt his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbors, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents.
Earlier this year, in February, God finally showed mercy upon Dianne, getting her the hell out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet. Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas. Over the last eight months, if you have not met Robert or seen his road show yet, you probably would have soon.
We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert's antics up to this point, but he is God's problem now.
Robert's farewell tour will be held Monday, October 14th, at 10 a.m. at Memorial Park Funeral Home, 6969 E Interstate 40 Hwy, Amarillo, TX 79118. The family encourages you to dust off whatever outdated or inappropriate combination of clothing you have available to attend. A tip jar will be available in the front; flowers are also acceptable.
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